Solved Challenge: 5 scenarios to imagine when considering sugar dating

Challenge Description:

How many of the expats, would choose to go into sugar dating, just to finance their studies and their lifestyle? – such as paying for rent, food, and everything you need to live a decent life?

I mean, there are people who won’t admit it, because is their real name out there, and they need to maintain an image for themselves, but really, if you had the possibility to be completely invisible and nobody could ever find out how you finance your lifestyle, would you do it?

I know that I am doing it.

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We have tried to get in touch with you, as your description is missing the final formulation of what your challenge really is. What would you like us to give you 5 options for? Is it for how to finance your studies and lifestyle? Or maybe for how to remain incognito while having a sugar daddy paying your bills? We’re not sure really, but since you have reached out to us, we have decided to take it in, even though we don’t know exactly what the challenge for you is :).

That means that we had to decide ourselves what the edge here is.

 

What’s wrong with sugar dating?

So the first thing I asked myself when solving the challenge was: Is it WRONG or BAD to find a sugar daddy to finance your lifestyle?

I couldn’t of course answer with a straightforward “yes” or “no”, simply because that’s something everyone has to determine for themselves. I truly believe that every experience in our lives is a great opportunity to learn something new about “me” or about the world around me.

I did some research and apparently, sugar dating is quite a big thing these days, I was able to find many portals that serve “sugar daddies,” “sugar mammas” and “sugar babes.” I was also able to find out that in many countries sugar dating is not illegal as such, but the relationships established between the two parties are often set up in an illegal way. It is quite a controversial topic, and even though it seems to be quite common, going into “sugar business” could still have both personal and social implications in your life. 

 

Is it something for you?

Which is why I figured that the best way to go about this challenge is to help you determine if sugar dating is something right for you.

We as humans quite often struggle with finding out if a specific activity really serves us. Some of us avoid certain experiences that could be great for us because of, for example, fear, whilst others jump right into new things without even giving a thought to whether that will do them any good. The truth is that each and every one of us has that inner voice, the compass that helps us navigate through sometimes curvy paths of life. At times we forget to use it. Other times we decide to turn it off. Yet it is still there, available for us to be used, we just need to turn up the volume.

So, this week we offer you the opportunity to sit back, relax and allow your own inner wisdom guide you to the right solution. We’ll invite you to imagine yourself in 5 different scenarios. This simple exercise will help you answer a few key questions that will lead you to an answer to the mother of all questions: Is going for a sugar daddy something right for you?

 

“Fight or flight” response

The way it works is that you take time out for yourself so that you can actually concentrate on hearing your inner voice. It may take a bit of practice to be able to recognize the difference between your first fight or flight response”  and your inner guidance. Very often, when we are about to get ourselves into a new experience our brain takes over and produces loads of thoughts which disrupt our ability to connect with the inner voice.

Instead of listening to our wisdom, we hear a lot of negative chatter. That’s exactly why it is very important to take the time and relax so that you can allow your subconsciousness to speak to you. That inner voice can come to us in several different ways, some people will really hear some talking in their heads, while others will just get a sensation/ or feeling. 

The thing is that when you imagine a given situation and you get a “good stomach feeling”then you are good. If, on the other hand, it feels bad inside, then well… your subconsciousness is trying to tell you that you are not in alignment with yourself. You may also come to feel a variety of different emotions: confusion, fear, excitement. All those inner responses are an important message for you.

So, let’s jump right into it! Read your 5 questions and listen to the podcast here

 

Imagine 5 scenarios...

  • Scenario 1: Imagine that you have to tell your mum & dad about it. How does it feel?

  • Scenario 2: Imagine that no-one will ever find out about it, would you go for it?

  • Scenario 3: Imagine that you meet the love of your life now. Are you fine with telling him about sugar dating?

  • Scenario 4: Imagine yourself in 5 years: are you still fine with sugar-dating in the past?

  • Scenario 5: Imagine you have a daughter and she wants to sugar date. Would you be fine with/like her to do it?

 

Scenario 1: Imagine that you have to tell your mum & dad about it. How does it feel?

telling your parents

Just sit down and imagine that you are standing in front of your parents and you are telling them about the way you finance your studies.

How does it feel?

Do you feel panic?

Overwhelming fear?

Or maybe a little rebel wakes up to tell you: screw my parents, it’s my life?

It could also be like, well that wouldn’t be pleasant but I think I could do it.

It’s completely normal to have that first response of fear or “hell no,” but if you try to let go of those first thoughts and allow more time, do you start to feel more capable of standing up for your own choices? Or does the “bad stomach feeling” remain?

 

The purpose 

of this exercise is to get a first feeling of whether there is something bad or wrong for you in finding a sugar daddy.

In general, if you’d feel completely fine and confident about sugar dating, you shouldn’t have any problem with telling your parents. 

Let me give you an example of what we mean. Recently we have joined a TEDx event in Aarhus and one of the speakers, Miranda Kanea former sex worker was there to give a speech about her experience. We had an opportunity to have a chat with Miranda, and we were simply amazed by how confident she felt about herself. I did truly admire her for being able to publicly speak about her past in sex industry and her happiness when she switched from a boring office job to a fun work, where she was getting money for, very often great, sex. From what we could gather, her parents had been aware of the way she’d been earning her money. She even made a joke that they were scared when she decided to quit (as she was going to go public with her story as a stand-up comedian).

 

Coming clean

So because of examples of people like Miranda Kane, we know that it’s possible to “come out of the closet” to your parents and even to your society. However, we are aware that you are not Miranda, and your parents don’t have to be as understanding as her old folks and therefore, you may have a problem with telling your parents because of the way they are, even though you could feel good yourself with doing sugar dating. It could be that they are extremely religious or narrow-minded. Or, on the other hand, it could be that you are simply missing the courage.

Ok, that was just the first layer, let’s dig a bit deeper.

 

Scenario 2: Imagine that no-one will ever find out about it, would you go for it?

anonymous sugar dating

So here you imagine a world where no-one will ever have a chance to find out and you are 100% sure about it. How does it feel?  Does it feel awesome? Do you feel excited? Or is there maybe still some uncomfortable feeling in your stomach?

 

The purpose 

of this exercise is to help you determine if you yourself feel really fine about having a sugar daddy.If you felt bad about telling your parents, it could have been because you know they would hate it, our parents sometimes strongly disapprove of our choices even if it is something socially acceptable, like becoming a painter, while they, for example, expected us to be lawyers or doctors. So, just because you wouldn’t feel comfortable about telling them, it doesn’t determine in 100% that it is not good for you.

Our parents and the society we are raised in impact largely our perception of what is good and bad. Those messages repeated over and over again for many years are like programming. It may be quite a challenge to dig through the layers of the chatter in our heads caused by what others have been telling us and get down to what really is our own voice. This is why it could be quite useful to imagine that world where no-one ever finds out.

In case you get the “good stomach feeling” when imagining this scenario, but you’d still really like to hide this aspect of yourself, it could be a healthy exercise for you to ask yourself why? Why can’t I stand by my choices? This particular case points out to lack of integrity, lack of alignment with who you truly are. Having that figured out for yourself could bring a great deal of freedom.

So that scenario should have been good for taking off another layer, but we still have some digging to do!

 

Scenario 3: Imagine that you meet the love of your life now. Are you fine with telling him about sugar dating?

meeting the love of your life

Imagine that you meet THE GUY. He’s absolutely amazing and you are crazy about him. Hiding your sugar dating adventure is not an option and you have to tell him. How do you feel? Are you ashamed? Or are you more like: that’s part of me if he can’t accept it, he can get lost. 

 

The purpose 

of this little exercise is to help you determine if you are ready to deal with short-term consequences of sugar dating. 

The reason why we picked this scenario is that some of us may decide to go for a controversial activity, such as sugar dating, without giving too much thought to the possible consequences. Others could decide to go for it to, say, “rebel” against the parents or social norms.

This scenario is very helpful in recognizing if you are not shooting yourself in the foot and if you are ready to face the short-term consequences. It is also good for going a bit deeper into finding out how internally aligned you really are with sugar dating. If you feel fine about telling your potential partner about this, you are doing quite well.

Now that you know whether you are ready to deal with short-term consequences, it’s time to have a look further into the future.

 

Scenario 4: Imagine yourself in 5 years: are you still fine with sugar-dating in the past?

will your future self regret?

So here it is more like you are an adult :). You have graduated, found yourself your dream job or a candidate for a husband and the truth about your past comes out. How do you feel? Are you ready to take it on the chin or are you terrified? Feel guilty? Ashamed?

 

The purpose 

of this little exercise is to help you determine if you are ready to deal with long-term consequences of sugar dating.

The key factor here is: are you ready to live your life knowing that such a secret may leak one day. Will you be able to feel comfortable or would you have to deal with “guilty conscience?”

An important aspect here may be your future career. Depending on who you want to be when you grow up, such a secret may be more or less damaging. If you’re aspiring to be a lawyer or a politician, you may need to think twice about long-term consequences of such a past. 

Another thing worth mentioning are long-term consequences for your relationship. Even if your partner at first decides to accept your past, he may still be influenced by that knowledge. It would be very healthy for you to know if you are ready and willing to deal with that.

We have rigged through quite some layers. Are you ready for the final test?

 

Scenario 5: Imagine you have a daughter and she wants to sugar date. Would you be fine with/like her to do it?

what would you advice your daughter?

Imagine yourself talking to your daughter or little sister and giving an advice regarding sugar dating. Would you feel fine with them doing it? Would you tell them to go for it or not really?

 

The purpose 

of this specific scenario is to allow you to take the final test. If you imagine your younger sister or your own daughter wanting to sugar date and you are truly fine with it, you are all like: “Sure thing, if you like it, then go for it sweetie,” then sugar dating is most likely for you!

However, if you don’t feel this way. If you are more like, “No, I’d never advised my own daughter or sister to go for it,” that may be the sign that you are not really up for it.

 You will do yourself an amazing favor if you spend some time reflecting on why you would sugar date if you would never like your daughter to do that. 

(Of course, we are excluding here scenarios where you really have no other choice of earning/ receiving money to survive).

              

Summary

We gave you quite a long introduction, five scenarios to work with and quite some questions to answer.

Being in alignment with yourself has a lot to do with maturity and with how well you know yourself. We are aware that it’s not an easy task and it requires some practice to get through all those layers to access your wisdom and get down to what really is best for you. You have to dig through your own inner chatter and the programming that has been running in your head for some years.

However, if you work through those exercises, you will do yourself a true favor. The reality is that we are learning throughout our lives and we are constantly evolving, we may sometimes walk through quite a bumpy journey, but the sooner we learn how to access our inner guidance, the easier it will be for us to make those big life decisions and the more fulfilled we’ll feel. We hope that you enjoy the exercises and that they’ll help directing you to the  right path for you. Good luck!