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4. Saying hello to your self-confidence
In your challenge, you write that you feel that you are missing the self-confidence needed to start your own business. When doing the research as a part of solving your challenge, I found the qualities of confidence and self-confidence truly fascinating.
I have encountered this thought-provoking approach where confidence is a belief that you can do something based on your previous experiences; you’ve done something many times; therefore, you know that you can do it again. Whereas, self-confidence is the knowing that you can attempt achieving something new and you will be fine regardless of the outcome. It’s based on the ability to manage your mind, in a way that you believe that you are going to be alright even if you fail.
I love this approach where true self-confidence would never be confused with arrogance, it’s that quiet and balanced internally-based trust in your abilities, which never needs to put anyone down in order to prove your worth.
Self-confidence depends on your beliefs
Let’s play with an idea that self-confidence is truly yours and depends on your own beliefs. As it is: “self," it means that it’s your own, it’s the way you manage your mind, so no-one can take it away from you. You can, of course, give it away, but if you have given something away, you can also take it back.
It often happens that we lose our self-confidence as children. The way we are brought up by our parents and the events that happen to us may have influenced our set-up largely. It’s truly fascinating how the same event can break one person’s spirit and let another person spread their wings. The key message here is that you are not a child anymore and you can choose to regain your own confidence. You are stronger now, more mature, so yes, you can definitely reach out for what is truly yours and start building unshakable, grounded in you, not based on external factors.
How to increase your self-confidence?
So how to do that? There are certainly many ways to increase your self-confidence. You may first need to do some healing if you have gone through painful events which are holding you down. You may want to do some coaching if you are ready to take actions. It’s definitely worth-while looking into the next option: Saying hello to the trust, as the trust will be truly helpful in increasing your self-confidence. I will share my story to show you how I worked with regaining mine.
My self-confidence losing & taking backstory
As a small child I was naturally self-confident, as a zodiacal Leo I loved to be in the center of attention, I was performing in all the school plays and speeches. As a teenager, I was bullied badly; by several people over a few-years period of time, both physically and psychologically. Even though I was fighting back and had support in my parents, this long-term mobbing had impacted my self-confidence and self-worth. I could not understand how it was possible that all those people hated me so much, there must have been something really wrong with me!
I went through years of approach to “self-confidence” that really didn’t serve me. I allowed my self-confidence to be based on what other people said and how they treated me. Long story short, if someone praised me, I was blooming, if someone did the opposite / or there was a lack of appreciation, I would get upset and my confidence would plummet.
It was not until my thirties when I have decided to rebuild what is truly mine; my self-confidence. The first step was to open up to the concept that I can take responsibility for my own life and the way I feel about myself and the world around me. I understood that it is truly my choice, my accountability and my right to re-construct my self-confidence.
I needed to start by doing the simplest thing in the world, by spending time with myself, getting to know ME and becoming my own friend. I had to learn how to manage my mind and emotions, do some healing and start working with my limiting beliefs. It’s a journey. It’s not always easy, but it is so much worth embarking on! I am quite sure that there will be more articles in the future to share that journey and put more flesh on the bone :).
I hope that my story was inspiring. On a final note, I’d like to recommend a great podcast by Brooke Castillo on self-confidence
5. Saying hello to the trust
Dear Tobias, the time has come to look into the last option. That is the one where all the goodbyes and hellos come together into a full picture. Trust is a “firm belief in the reliability, truth, or ability of someone or something.” After reading your challenge, I came to the conclusion that it would be truly beneficial to look into two types of trust.
The first one is self-trust, understood as a belief that you can confide in your own abilities and decisions. The second is the trust in a higher power, meaning the belief in God, the universe (or whatever name you give it) that it will all work out for your best.
Let us look closely into the self-trust. For me, developing self-trust is about becoming my best friend and establishing the connection with the inner wisdom. Opening up to that internal knowledge and learning to use it for your own benefit is an amazing skill. Again, not that easy to obtain, but so much worth striving for.
Self-trust can only be developed by you, because it is very much internal, cultivated within you. The good news is that you can work on increasing it each and every day. You can start now.
In a nutshell, you can start building your self-trust by finding time in your everyday life to start listening to yourself; what is it that you like/ dislike, what your inner gut tells you. It’s also about having your own back, making sure that you and others treat you well.
Why is it so relevant when you are about to quit your job and start your own business?
Well, when you get to know yourself better it is also much easier to take those big decisions, simply because you can recognize when it’s the right path for you. Looking outside of yourself and being easily influenced by others may take you off-track and impact your ability to take the right decision. It’s a true virtue to learn to be open to other opinions and concepts as a way of growing and at the same time being capable of using your inner wisdom to ensure that you are taking the right direction.
Here is a link to a great article that will give you a few solid tips on how to grow your self-trust And here is a great video by Marie Forleo, showing how to use inner wisdom in taking decisions.
You mentioned that you lack the trust that it will all work out, which is why I’ve decided to touch upon the trust in the higher force. Some of us call it God, others universe, it has many different names.
The fact is that people who trust in God or the Universe find it easier to let go of fear. Fear of the unknown is often one of the main reasons why we hold on to the things that no longer serve us. They are at least familiar and we know what to expect. But since we have established in the previous options that being human is very much about learning and growing, it may be a good idea for you to work on increasing your trust in the higher force.
We’ve looked closer into the self-trust first because the way to trusting the universe leads through learning to trust yourself. So many of us are trying to control the circumstances and the people around us. That’s simply not possible. Letting go of the control and opening our hearts to the trust that it will all unveil in the best possible way, is an art. I am definitely not a specialist in that area, so I’ve reached out to some wiser people :). Here’s a very good article about learning how to grow in trust
Dear Tobias, we truly hope that our reflections on saying the key goodbyes and hellos have inspired you to find your own very best way in navigating the challenging times of quitting your job and starting your business. We’re keeping our fingers crossed and we are very much looking forward to hearing from you.
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