For PART 1: 5 Key "Goodbyes" And "Hellos" When Starting Your Own Business click here
2. Saying goodbye to your old life and routines
It seems like you have been living a good professional life. You have enjoyed a nice and cozy comfort zone where you feel safe and where you appreciate a great boss, colleagues, and a few pleasant routines. It has served you well, but now you know deep inside that it is time to let that go.
Leaving your comfort zone may be a stressful experience. Taking that leap into the unknown feels pretty damn scary. That’s why many people remain in their comfort zone until it becomes so unbearable that they simply can’t take it any longer and they just need to break free. You are in a place where both staying where you are and moving forward are connected with some sort of discomfort. The thing is that one of them will take you somewhere and the other will not.
The most valuable stability can only come from within
You are ready to move on, else you wouldn’t have signed and printed your resignation form. You say that you lack the trust that it will all work out, but you already know that you can’t grow where you are.
And we humans need to learn and develop. We need that rabbit that we can chase. Most of us, of course, function best when we have a suitable amount of security, but when we know what will happen in every step we take, we get demotivated and feel uninspired.
We look for security in our belongings, in the house, the car, the job, or in our loved ones. In fact, though, the most valuable stability can only come from within. It comes from self-confidence and self-trust, from that inner awareness that no matter what happens we’ll have our own back (see the following hellos). We will fail at times, this is certain, so if only we manage to switch our mindset to see the failure as an opportunity to learn, we will be able to grow beyond our imagination.
Leave behind what no longer serves you...
So now that we have established that life is about learning and growing and that means transformation and leaving things that no longer serve us behind, let’s talk about what exactly is beneficial to be left behind and how to do that.
First, let’s have a look at leaving behind your job & colleagues. We’d encourage you to do the same exercise as with your boss. Write down all you’re grateful for and all you’ve learned and the reasons why you need to move on. It is also possible that you are not saying a definite goodbye to people, it could be a transformation to another type of a relationship and you become friends with those colleagues you have bonded with most.
Another important item to leave behind are the beliefs that no longer serve us. You have not written much about that, but most of us run some limiting beliefs that hinder our growth. Observe yourself mindfully and notice if you are telling yourself stories along those lines: “It’s difficult to make money from your own business,” “I am not good enough.”
It could be that your “I am shy or I lack self- confidence” are limiting beliefs, thoughts that you’ve been repeating over and over again until you believed them. We encourage you to read this article where we describe in detail how to work with those beliefs that no longer serve us.
There could also be some routines or behaviors that don’t really work to your benefit. You mention procrastination, for example, here again, we have a good article for you to help you work with that.
... but keep what still works
It’s not like you have to say goodbye to absolutely everything in your old life. Basically, it’s all about looking into which parts still work for you and which parts hold you down. Some routines may need to be replaced with more empowering ones.
You can definitely keep those routines and rituals that support you and help you walk through this big transition. A good example is a morning ritual, that’s one that is truly beneficial to have or develop - click here is some more information. Performing morning rituals increase our performance and keep us sane and grounded in times of change.
Dear Tobias, we hope that you’ll use the time to have a good look at your old life and say a proper goodbye to the people and behaviors which should stay in the past. Once you’re done with your goodbyes, you ready for the hellos.
3. Saying hello to your shyness
It may sound a bit weird when you first read it, but yes, we are serious about saying hello to your shyness. You may think that being shy doesn’t serve you and maybe you have been trying to fight it for a long time. We believe that if being shy is a true part of your personality, the way to managing it well goes through embracing that quality. The point is that when we try to get rid of a part of us, it’s like a battle you can never win because it’s a battle you vs. you.
Nevertheless, the first step here is to find out if you are indeed shy. Sometimes being introverted is confused with being shy.
Being introverted means that you charge your batteries when you are alone. Being shy means that you feel awkward, or uncomfortable around other people. When you determine that you are indeed shy, next step is to figure out if this is your inborn quality or if it’s circumstantial; caused by some events from the past. If your shyness is caused by a trauma, it could be that you need some healing to be able to overcome it.
If it’s a natural part of you, the road is through embracing that part of you and then some practice to learn to manage it. It really depends on the degree of your shyness, sometimes a bit of practice and preparation is enough, whilst other people may need help from a counselor.
Approach people with curiosity
For you as a shy person, social interaction may be quite difficult because you probably become very self-conscious about your diffidence. It’s likely that you run one of the two defense mechanisms, you either freeze and find it very challenging to get any small talk going, or you overcompensate and talk loud and a lot, just not to let anyone figure out how you really feel.
A great way to deal with those situations is to approach other people with curiosity. It’s a really simple trick that requires just a bit of preparation. You get a few solid questions that you can ask your potential clients and you honestly listen to their answers. It may be a good idea to do a small research about your clients (just not too much so that you don’t come across as a stalker :D).
People truly appreciate a conversation with someone who is interested in them and truly hears what they are saying. You probably need a bit of practice, but it’s something that really helps to shift attention from your nervousness to other people and their stories.
Consider a counselor
If you are so shy that it paralyzes you, you may first need to approach a counselor and do some healing. If you are manageably shy, it could be a good idea to practice small talk with friends or family. If you are really ready to break through your diffidence, you may want to try something more like a shyness boot camp. We have a couple of friends who used to be very timid when it comes to talking to girls, so they made a bet where they were approaching strangers for a few weeks every single day several times a day and just starting small talk. It was very difficult at the beginning but this way they completely broke through that challenge and can now talk to all the girls, even those out of their league :).
Whatever your path to work with shyness is, remember that it is up to you to decide who is in charge here, you or the shyness. Embrace it, heal it, manage it and go make your dreams come true.
Continue reading PART 3 here
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