I would really like to start my own business
I know exactly what it will be and I have well-researched how to deal with all the practical things. I have consulted a mentor with my business plan and it all looks really solid and promising.
Yet I am stuck. Even though I have my resignation form printed & signed, I keep on second-guessing myself. I have been procrastinating telling my boss. He’s such a lovely gentleman, who has been a great manager to me, I really don’t want to disappoint him. It’s very difficult to say goodbye to my good colleagues and the nice routines that I’ve developed over the years.
I feel that I am missing the self-confidence and the trust that it will all work out. I am also quite a shy person and I have no idea how to overcome that, as I will have to do the networking and reach out to potential clients. Do you have any good tips for me?
We definitely have some good tips for you Tobias. Even though you have named quite some issues, it seems like you have already made up your mind. You have your business plan and resignation letter in place, ready for you to take that final step.
The reality is, that we all have issues and if we decided to wait until all the issues are resolved, we would never get anywhere. Life’s a journey and if we want to grow, we need to embrace the discomfort of change.
Should I Stay or Should I go?
Every time we leave our comfort zone, we face some sort of a distress. That’s completely natural. We need to face our fears and shortcomings and our primitive brain does not like that. But let’s face it. You are in a place of discomfort anyway, it’s just a more familiar place which feels safe enough. Since there’s discomfort on both sides, why not choose the one that will get you somewhere?
Leaving the Comfort Zone
There is, of course, the mother of all questions: why do we need to move on/ grow/ develop? Why do our brains want to keep us safe and repeat the same, most efficient actions, yet so many of us tend to long for more? That’s one of the dilemmas that make us human, isn’t it?
Of course, if we hadn’t felt that developmental urge, we’d still be living in the forests trying to hunt a boar for dinner (well, being closer to nature wouldn’t be all that bad for us). So, dear Tobias, you are experiencing our wonderful and very human existential discomfort.
We all need to find the right answer for ourselves when it comes to the question of how to spend the time given to us here on mother earth. There’s a thin line between the two states of mind, one where we’re feeling unsatisfied and always rushing for more to cover up the uneasiness, and the other state, where we’re feeling gratitude for what we have and we are growing in joy and for the benefit of ourselves and others. Finding that line and keeping the fine balance is one of the biggest lessons in life.
From your description, however, it seems that you are very well on the way to finally move on. It looks like what you are missing is to say a couple of solid goodbyes and a few good hellos. We have therefore prepared for you:
5 key goodbyes and hellos to say when starting your own business
1. Saying goodbye to your boss and colleagues
2. Saying goodbye to your old life and routines
3. Saying hello to your shyness
4. Saying hello to your self-confidence
5. Saying hello to the trust
"Goodbyes" are tough but necessary
Saying goodbye to the people that have been an important part of our lives is a distressful experience. It may almost feel like a breakup, even if there was no romantic relationship involved. In this first goodbye, we will reflect on why it is important to say a proper goodbye and how to do it the most loving way, so that you get a good resolution.
It may also be quite painful to say goodbye to your old life. You have developed a cozy comfort zone, where you have a number of enjoyable routines and you appreciate the company of nice colleagues. It seems to be a pleasant place to exist in, but if deep inside you know that you simply need to step onto a new path, you will have to decide which parts of that life still serve you and which ones need to remain in the past. It is not like you have to leave it all behind. There are the parts that hold you down, those you need to say goodbye to. There are also the ones that still do their job and keep you sane, those you should definitely take on the journey along with you.
"Hellos" may be even harder
Occasionally, the goodbyes are the toughest parts, however, it may be that for some of us saying hello to those new feelings and experiences will be much more challenging. Saying hello to your shyness may seem a bit weird at the beginning, but we believe that if shyness is an authentic part of you, the best you can do is to actually embrace it. This will definitely help you feel better about yourself and will enable you to manage the shyness in a much better way.
When it comes to the qualities of self-confidence and trust, we all have access to them, some of us will naturally have more, others less. Nevertheless, those are the qualities we can build on. And it’s so worth investing time and effort in inviting more of them into our lives. The more self-confidence and trust we have, the better quality of life we’ll experience.
So, dear readers, we invite you to join Tobias on his journey of saying those five goodbyes and hellos and embracing the new path that is ahead of him.
1. Saying goodbye to your boss
It seems that you are lucky to have had an amazing boss.
That is usually a great thing, but sometimes it can become an issue. How? Well… when the time comes for you to move on, it can be a strong excuse to keep yourself in the comfort zone.
Almost like a breakup
Saying goodbye to a great boss can almost feel like a break-up. You are in a relationship that no longer works, you know you are ready to move on, but you feel all the sentiment towards the person. It would probably be easier if your manager was a crappy one. We are still much more likely to quit a good job with a bad manager rather than the other way around.
Unfortunately, it doesn’t change the fact that you know that you need to end it. Breaking up is (almost) never an easy task, and you have probably been talking yourself into staying in that relationship for a while now, maybe thinking something along those lines: “what is wrong with me,” “he has done so much for me,” “I should be grateful.”
Yes, and you can never get it wrong when it comes to feeling gratitude, it shouldn’t, however, prevent you from moving on. There’s a time when a relation simply doesn’t serve you any longer. You have learned all you needed to learn and you are ready to try something new out. That’s life. Occasionally, we need to leave the things behind to ensure that we are taking our own journey. Not somebody else’s.
So how do we do that?
Well, first of all, we need to say goodbye to the person in our own head. If the boss is as amazing as you think he is, he’s not going to try to stop you from growing. Most likely he’ll wish you all the luck. It is really your own mental process that has to take place.
We’d encourage you to make a small “goodbye ritual.” Start with writing down all the things you are grateful for and appreciate regarding your manager and the work that you have done together. Then write down all the reasons why you need to move on and start your own business. Waking up that gratitude, but at the same time knowing your WHY, will empower you to say the real “thank you,” the one from the bottom of your heart.
It is also possible that you don’t have to say goodbye to that man forever, you may just need to say goodbye to the manager part of him. If the relation between the two of you still serves both of you, it can be transitioned into another type of a relationship, for example, a friendship, or a mentorship. That approach requires opening up to the trust that everything will happen just as it should, in the best possible way. We’ll discuss that more in the last step: saying hello to the trust.
We know that it is not easy, we understand your hesitation, but you already know that it’s the right thing to do. Now it’s time to go ahead and do it. The sooner the better. Every time an old door closes, a new door opens.
Continue reading PART 2 here
Click below to listen to the discussion had on "You've Got 5 Options" Radio Show