The Drama Touch
Do you know the “Legend of King Midas”? That’s that dude from Greek Mythology who was able to turn everything he touched into gold.
There is plenty of people in this world who have Midas’ ability. With an exception that it’s not the gold they produce. They produce DRAMA.
Ups… I did it Again
There are many reasons why people would strive to regularly mess up their lives, but usually, they do it due to motives they are not aware of. And most of the time – unconsciously.
Why would we be instinctively driven to dramatize our own blissful existence? After all, I have not yet met a person who would openly say “I love drama!” /unless it’s soap opera/ and most people despise it.
Ironically, those who “hate” drama the most are somehow ending up in dramatic situations more frequently than others. Coincidence?
/Btw, I’m one of them/
5 reason you may be creating drama in your life… without even realizing it
If you find yourself regularly in a messed up situations or you are known in some circles as a Drama Queen (or King), take a look below.
/Of course, YOU ARE NOT a Drama Queen! It “just happens, right?/
But to be totally fair here, you indeed may not be the one who creates the drama, yet you may be drawn to dramatic people or situations. Does it make it any better? Maybe for your ego, but not for your blissful existence as the outcome is the same – you end up in a mess./
1. You like the adrenaline and the energy that comes with it…
…even if that energy is dark and heavy. Your heart beats faster when you are in a messy situation, so you create as many of them as possible to keep your blood pressure high and your dopamine level even higher (hormones, like drugs, can be very addicting).
Of course, you are (usually) not even aware of it. You may be just one of those who gets bored easily and loves when “something is happening”. Or you’ve accidentally developed “an anger addition” (yeap, that’s a THING) and you need to engage and re-engage in anger cycles.
SOLUTION: There are so many other “healthy” ways to get your daily dose of “the dope” without creating mess or drama: dopamine boosting diet, exercise, mediation, sex (highly recommended!). For more ideas please read 10 Ways to Increase the Dopamine In Your Brain
If however, it is the “anger addition” topic that rings a bell, please jump to Secrets of Anger Addiction and 3 Reasons Why Rage Feels Real Damn Good – that is an awesome read
2. Drama and mess distract you from facing your real issues and challenges
If there is something inside of you that needs healing or dealing with, drama and mess can effectively distract you from that. It is easier to fill your head with tension and anxiety than to truly look into yourself and start to work on your inner problems.
Many of us are simply terrified to look into our deepest issues, so we do anything to “sweep it under the carpet” or do something that will distract our attention from it. It can be anything – from unhealed childhood issues, inability to deal with a loss of something/someone, to self-resentment or deep insecurities. Whatever that may be, mess and drama are coming to the rescue, by making your brain over-occupied with something else.
SOLUTION: I cannot tell you how to solve your inner issues; as a matter of fact I don’t even know how to solve all my inner issues. However, what I can recommend as a first step is to become aware that YOU MAY have an unsolved business with yourself. Please take a look at What Causes You Inner Turmoil? When you’re at war with yourself, there’s generally a good reason. It has some “on spot” examples and I think it makes a decent starting point
3. Drama is familiar to you because that’s the conditions you were raised in / you are used to
Do you remember what your mom used to say to your dad just to force him into a specific behavior?
How often was she using the “passive-aggressive” strategy?
How about your dad? Was he “the blame – game” master? Or maybe “I scream whenever I feel like” type of a fella?
In other words, were you by any chance raised in a “drama-driven” environment?
Don’t get me wrong, no family is perfect. In fact, most of us were raised in families that are slightly dysfunctional or have a flair for drama. However, in some cases “The Drama Touch” became “The Normal Touch”.
Is your family one of those? After all, we are always drawn to what is familiar and many times we repeat our parents’ behavior – even if we swore, we would never be like them.
SOLUTION: If that’s your case, you need to acknowledge it and then to make a decision if you want to detach yourself from the patterns you’ve learned during your childhood. Do you want to live a life resembling “fireworks festival” created by your first family? If not, try to observe them more carefully now and consciously decide not to engage in their drama creation. Take a look at 6 Tips for Avoiding Family Drama and How to Respond to People Who Question Your Life Choices. It’s a good starting point.
4. Your mess creation is a cry for …
… attention/ appreciation/ affection/ validation ?
There is this really funny thing with us, humans. We love to feel loved, appreciated and validated (especially by the close ones) but our pride and ego are somehow telling us that it is a bad idea to say it directly or show it in an obvious way.
So what we do instead is to start creating situations where we “force” others through our dramatic behavior to get what we want.
Sounds super smart, right?
Maybe you enjoy feeling like a victim so people around will sympathize with you?
Or maybe you are like that little kid who messes around and is on its bad behavior so parents will finally pay attention?
Or maybe you feel insecure in your relationship, so you provoke fights just to hear “I care for you”?
This kind of behavior always comes from some sort of unfulfilled needs: the need for validation, need for appreciation, and/or need for affection.
Do you know this saying: “It’s not you, it’s me”?
This time it really is “the Me”.
5. Self – fulfilling prophecy: You create a mess to confirm that you always create a mess
Have you noticed that people who say that they are clumsy, are usually the one who spills a red wine on their outfit?
Or the ones who say “I always attract wrong partners” seem to always end up in bad relationships?
That phenomenon is called a self-fulfilling prophecy: you see yourself as a certain type of a person and you subconsciously do everything to confirm that image in your head. Even if that image is something that you don’t like.
SOLUTION: First of all, you need to realize the story you tell yourself… about yourself.
Do you tend to say: “I always…” or “I never…”? Do you truly believe that you will always repeat the same patterns or results because you are “just that type of a person”? If yes, then you are most probably living your life on a half potential, trying to confirm to yourself that you are the person you have once “invented”. The good news is that you can stop it and be whoever you want to be! More on this topic in Killing The Self-Fulfilling Prophecy
To sum up
So how are you, my dear Drama Queens and Kings? I hope that reading this piece gave you some ideas on why your life may look like a Latin Soap Opera.
And if you didn’t get anything valuable from it, remember this: Drama may be addictive sometimes, but it’s never healthy. And it usually means that there is something in you and/or your life that needs fixing.
I don’t mean to sound “dramatic” but try to get to the bottom of it; and don’t be afraid to lose the “excitement part” of your life, for that you always have Telemundo.