2nd Golden Rule before You “Get Out There”: make sure you ex-orcise your space

cleaning-268126_1920.jpg

CLEAN YOUR HOUSE, CLEAN YOUR MIND

Regardless if you are an energy sensitive creature, a feng shui practitioner, or just someone who believes that open, clean and organized spaces are good for our mental balance, decluttering is your way to go!

Decluttering simply means to remove mess or an excess of “stuff” (clutter) from a place and it is something that we should strive to do regularly. It is even more important when we are about to start a new chapter in our love life; Seriously people, it’s “a must”!

Initially, it may seem like a mission impossible but when you’re finally done, it can (and will!) work miracles for you.

DECLUTTERING: LOVE LIFE EDITION

The essence of decluttering is not cleaning (although it is a significant part of it) – it is a process of going through all your stuff and getting rid of all the things that have no use or purpose for you anymore.

The number one step in “decluttering your space for love” is to detect and get rid of all the things connected with all those sexy times you had with your past lovers.

There are many “schools of thought” that differ in their approach to how extreme you need be. So in order to choose the best strategy for you, follow your intuition.

EX-ORCISE YOUR BED…

A bed is a place where most of the “action” happened; your resting place is not only soaked with memories of sex but also with “more organic” remainings of past love-making. It is also energetically charged with a sexual presence of your former lovers, so if you want a fresh start make sure you ex-orcise your bed.

The full-blown version is to get rid of your bedroom, which in practice means to move out from your apartment. This may seem a bit (or totally) crazy for most of us, so a lighter version is to change your bed. Or at least change your bed sheets.

I know people who were throwing out their beds and buying new ones once they were ending a relationship. Personally, I’m replacing all the bed sheets – it makes me feel energetically and mentally fresh.

…AND BEDROOM

If you want even better results, it’s a great idea to remodel the entire bedroom altogether.

Start with decluttering – go through all the stuff you have in your nightstands, drawers, and closets and throw away all the things that remind you of your ex-lovers.

That cute sexy lingerie you got as a gift for Valentine’s day three years ago? – To the garbage! A picture of your ex-girlfriend on the bottom of your nightstand? – Out! A hoodie he once left at your place and you kept it because “it smelled like him”? – Got to Go! A lamp/teddy bear/pillow/figurine she gave you to make your bedroom feel cozier? – Donate it. Or take it to the basement.

This exercise is great for the bedroom but should be repeated in all the rooms in your apartment – pictures, books, clothes, and presents from your exes should be disposed or at least removed from your sight (basement or attic is a good solution); otherwise you may find yourself living in a sentimental museum of “the ghosts from the past”.

HIKING-THE-CANADIAN-ROCKIES.jpg

I know that for many of us this will be a difficult process. We are nostalgic creatures and especially those who have difficulties with letting go and moving on will find it extra hard. But what we all need to realize is that if we truly want a brand new chapter in our love life, we cannot hold onto the past.

Keeping objects that are sentimentally or sexually charged with memories of former lovers clutters our space, our mind, and create subconscious and energetical barriers for something new to enter our life. So if you feel uncomfortable with getting rid of that stuff, ask yourself if you are truly ready for a fresh start and try to identify what holds you back.

A LITTLE FENG SHUI NEVER KILLED NOBODY

When you’re done with your decluttering process, consider adding “a cherry on the top” and remodel your bedroom. Painting walls, moving some furniture around or changing a couple of details (like adding flowers or nice, sexy painting) can make a huge difference and make you feel like you just moved to a brand new bedroom.

You can use some simple Feng Shui rules as an inspiration; the most basic are: remove sports equipment, TV, and computer from your bedroom, make sure that your bed is not pointing towards the door and that it is easily accessible from both sides, use warm soothing colors and remove all the sad art or family related pictures from your sight. For more tips please visit this article .

If you are serious about attracting a new partner in your life, try to investigate if your bedroom has actually a space for a new lover. Is your bed big enough for two people? Do you have an empty drawer, some space in a closet and a few extra hangers in case someone would spend the night or two at your place?

If not, consider changing that. For sure you have some extra space now – after all, you’ve just decluttered your bedroom and got rid of some old crap from the past!

DECLUTTER YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA

Last but not least, you need to ex-orcise your virtual life. Meaning, your social media accounts.

Although you may be super curious how are your exes doing and engage yourself in little Facebook or Instagram stalking sessions every now and then, trust me – it brings you no benefit whatsoever.

If you truly want to cut your ties with the past, unfollow all your ex-boyfriends/girlfriendsfrom social media accounts. Seeing their updates, pictures, and info about new partners in your news feed, will make you think of them constantly (you are trying to forget and move on, right?) and in many cases – contribute to some sentimental throwbacks.

It is possible to “be friends on Facebook” with your ex, but usually, after some serious time has passed since both of you were together. However, in case of recent breakups, it is extremely important to “declutter” your mobile and computer from your ex.

CAN YOU STAY FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX? 

Keeping in touch with your ex-lovers is almost never a good idea. There are – like always – some exemptions, but usually, if you both seek contact after the breakup, the rule below applies:

m•w.jpg

If you had a fling or even a relationship, but romantic feelings were either not there or died out quickly, it is possible to maintain a friendship.

The challenge is, you never know what’s in your ex’s head.

And sometimes you don’t even know what’s in yours.

Some years back I was one of the most faithful Disciples of “We should stay friends with our exes” Gospel, but life gave me a couple of convincing examples that forced me to abandon that belief.

The reality is, in most of the cases, keeping your ex-partners in your life is a tricky business.It can turn out that your ex still has feelings for you but hides it and seeks contact to be close to you. It can also happen that it is you who suppresses feelings and try to maintain a relationship, thinking it’s all friendship, while in reality, you are unable to let go of the past.

Getting entangled in a web of relations with your former partners usually ends up in confusion and distraction. And if you truly want to start a new and healthy relationship, clarity is what you need the most. Even if you feel like letting go of that person is sad, let it go nevertheless. After all, if you were meant to be together, you would be.

If you decide to close that door and cut the contact with your exes, you can arrange a meeting or send a short message/letter explaining why from now on you would like to keep distance. It’s a nice but firm gesture that sends a clear message and also gives an opportunity for a real closure. If you are serious about “getting out there” and finding new love, this is the very last declutter you need to commit to.

Read About The 5 Golden Rules:

Golden Rule 1
Make sure you’re mentally ready

Golden Rule 2: (you are here)
Make sure you ex-orcise your space 

Golden Rule 3:
Make sure to re-invent your “dating self”

Golden Rule 4
Make sure you are truly open 

Golden Rule 5:
Make sure to relax, let go and have fun!